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Happy last day of finals

Naive

Buckminster Fuller's words challenged me today..."dare to be naive"

we should try it.

dare to be guileless...dare to be childlike...dare to be the person who doesn't know any better than to give someone the benefit of the doubt...

dictionary.com had this quote on their site under the entry 'naive:'
-- "Untutored in the perversities of some particular program or system..." --

hmm. how often are we so programmed, so indoctrinated with the perversities of all the routines that comprise our life? Seems like if we just dropped the prescribed personas and scripted solutions and were just real and raw before life at large, we just might see it in a different light. Free from such societal and psychological fetters, we just might be free to love the unlovely; savour the moment; or solve a complex problem with childlike simplicity. What was it that Jesus said? Got to be like a child. Ya, I get it.

i can't think about how it might have been
because i know how it is
and like or leave it
the truth tends to cleave itself to reality
awhile ago, it seems so close
and yet so vastly out of reach...

not finished yet.
mind's appetite whet
by music of Caspian
with words left unsung
their sorrowful strings
played with intensity

drummed on...the soundtrack

to my mind's monologue

my soul is saturated with sentiment

none of it clear, concise or all together relevant

just a vague, random work of non-art

that i hang on the wall

so we can talk of it instrumentally

and never intrinsicly at all...

Perspective

Know what this is? It's a photo-shop distortion of a picture of my eye. Currently, my eye is pretty much swollen shut and so I've been having to tell folks cute things that make them feel less awkward like "oh, you should see the other guy" or "ya, I was seeing this guy and things didn't really work out" etc. You get the idea. Tonight I went to a girls nite out and the theme was cowgirl...so I dressed normally, put on a jean jacket and went as the wife of a drunk cowboy who beats his wife. Yikes! but I digress. So basically, I can do some typing and some calls, but mostly I'm just frustrated b/c my vision is screwed up, it hurts and I feel useless...My depth perception is off and I poured my cream of wheat on the counter instead of my bowl today (well, it was a more 30/70 split to be honest :) Having my vision tweaked has REALLY made me appreciate the good sight I commonly take for granted. This whole thing freaks me out, but normally I have such good vision. My point is really that I'm just grateful that normally I can see and that I can hear. This misadventure is a pain in the neck but it makes me realize how graceful I am for my sight!

Part 2...this also makes me realize how proud of my Mom I am. She recently underwent melanoma (cancer) of the eye including some ultra crazy radiation and a surgery. She's also losing the vision in the affected eye. I tell you what, I get an infected sty gone crazy and I'm freaking out. She's been prodded, probed, radiated, cut, and messed with some more and she has carried herself with such a grace. I can't imagine how it must feel. I know two things though. 1) I'm super proud of her and really acknowledge and admire the manner in which she has dealt with this, her second round of cancer and 2) I know that my God is able to heal her to His glory. I look forward to that day.

In other news...let your eyes feast on the sunset...drink in the fragrance of the ocean, flowers or your favourite coffee...stop for just a minute to revel in taste of chocolate...listen, really listen to the tonal inflections and variations of a loved one's voice, knowing that it is their unique sound...cherish the sensation of touch in a hanshake, a hug or a kiss...

Restoration

So, it turns out that I am NOT the most devoted blogger. In fact a cursory glance at my logs reveals huge gaps, sometimes spanning about a year. I have just been all over the place and not in a space of life where blogging was a priority. My friend Nick, however, just keeps blogging away. I used to be a link on his site but my lack of activity resulted in my being removed from the site (www.skytland.com).

Action equals consequence.

So yesterday I casually mentioned to him that I had started blogging again. I warned him not to get excited, but said I was trying to be faithful with it. Guess what happened? That night - as in instantaneously - I noticed that my link reappeared on his site. Random and seemingly meaningless story I know, but look deeper...

What if our mistakes could be so easily forgotten and all the stupid things we've done, could be undone and our pre-messed-up status could be so perfectly restored? What if all the hurt that we caused, messes that we've made and works of art that we've shattered could all be fixed with the click of a button? If only life were as easy as being Nick's friend. If only all of life's consequences were so easy to restore...

Just a little smoke...

I love reading Voltaire, not sure why but so many of his quotes just grab me and won't let go. For an excessive number of months this saying was my tagline:

"The burning of a little straw may hide the stars, but the stars outlast the smoke."

Imagine how many times I had written this, read it, said it, thought about it, and then BANG! today it hit me in a new light. I so often thought of that pesky smoke as simply the hurdles that we encounter on our journey...as something that merely happened or someone else caused that complicated or inconveneinced or otherwise complicated my life. But a closer look reveals something else...I didn't realize that that same smoke is so often caused by the straw that I burn. Oftentimes, as I tap my foot and impatiently wait for the smoke to clear or worse still compliment myself on how well I'm waiting -- during those moments I fail to see the straw at my feet and the matchbook in my hands.

Easter

Today I was captivated by the sea. Her frothy majesty calling to me. Beckoning me to steal one more glance, and again, yet again... As I drove up the Mexican coast, I was attracted to gaze upon the ocean as if I were checking out that cute guy to make sure he really was as attractive as I thought on first glance. Madam Ocean did not disappoint, after a few days of rain, today was exquisite and I simply could not get enough of the view. I'm so grateful for such visual feasts. Thanks to several taco stands, a churro vendor and my mom's cooking, my eyes were not the only part of me that was overwhelmed by all there was to take in. Even my heart was satisfied as I, surrounded by my family, simply celebrated the beauty of His resurrection while the waves whispered their dialogue to the shore in the background. Beautiful.

here...

Here...this is where I have been for the last 2 months...lost in the eyes of children like Sawhill and Romi. Hoping that somehow each night I could make a difference...hopelessly aware that whatever I could possibly give them would be powerfully overshadowed by the love with which they received me and the manner in which they absolutely captivated my heart...