Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I hope I'm there...


I was listening to a little bit of "pink" today...generally not an indicator that i'm in a good mood. or feeling great about certain situations...but the lyrics go like this (and trust me I'm sneaking up on a point here):

"when all is gone
and the glitter fades away
they'll get theirs eventually
and i hope i'm there..."

Not very nice, I know, but, there are other lyrics in the song that were more applicable which i don't want to get into here. i don't want anyone to "get theirs" or anything it's just a stupid song...stay with me.... now bear in mind that i've heard this a ton of times and know it by heart, but know what i heard?

"when all is gone
and the bitter fades away...
I hope I'm there..."

when all of this drama is gone and i'm done being hurt, sad, guilty, bitter, whatever, I hope I'm still there. I hope something remains of me...

...even more importantly still, i hope something good remains in and of those who may have been hurt by me along the way...

that's all i've got.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

been a while....

I've sat here for a few minutes and waited to see what would come to me and got a whole lot of nothing. Exhaustion battles the caffeine induced, jittery awareness that shakes my limbs and begs my body to surrender...but I digress...or perhaps not...that is the actual current state of affairs...i've been thinking lately that there has to be so much more to life than work...what do i really want to accomplish with my existence, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...so i made a draft list... a rev1, if you will of the things I'd like to do, God willing...

initially, to do God's will

go to Yosemite
see mount Rushmore
live in DC
get scuba dive cert
get multi-commercial license
become a rocket racer pilot
experience weightlessness
write a book or collection of poetry/essays
plan a mission control center
become a masterful sitar player
learn basic guitar
cut a CD
raise millions for kids in need
learn to dance
become a good kickboxer
go to harvard
get a PhD
get a motorcycle license
visit every country
learn 5 languages by the time I'm 30 (hindi, french, spanish, ?)
Hike in the Himalayas
skydive
love my (future) dog

ultimately, do God's will

hmmm...lots to do, but for now, I gratefully surrender to sleep...

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Everybody gets a moment...

I caught the last 10 minutes or so of ER tonight, just bear with me on this one as I have to set the scene a bit. There's been some tragic airplane accident and the female doctor has been in the field saving lives, she's inhaled a potentially dangerous level of smoke, worked 16 straight hours, been through a major trauma event, and is exhausted. Her friends are begging her to stay at the hospital to be monitored, but no, she just wants to go home. She fumbles with the lock and looks over her shoulder before entering her complex and she sees a man in an army uniform standing next to a cab in the middle of the street. Recognition, relief and love all flood her face and she runs into the middle of the street to be reunited with this man, whom we can only assume is her lover returning from war...So there they are, in the middle of the street, at God knows what hour, hugging, as the steam rises off the street grates and the cars honk and wait for their moment to pass. They are oblivious to the world around them because they are in this moment where time is suspended and life is rich with the intensity of the moment and the obliviousness to the world at large. This is the stuff that dreams, books, tv shows, movies, and songs are comprised of...these moments. And so as I clicked the tv off, all I could think was how beautiful that moment was for them...how beautiful it is to be caught up in moments like that myself...how everyone must get at least one moment like that in their lifetime, where the world simply stands still and watches and you simply revel in the timeless moment, savouring every second, subconsciously knowing that time will resume again soon, but at least for now, at least for this moment, all else yields to this. Whether it's a blissful reunion, a stolen glance, a kiss, your dance in the rain, holding hands, sharing hearts, getting lost in conversation, or the overwhelming sensation when you rediscover the mezmerizing eyes of someone you love, the awkward smile when you realize that you don't know how long you've been staring... you get the idea...

life is tough and hard and grimy and challenging and confusing and complicated and full of people who make lots of mistakes, but I'm so glad to know that in the midst of all of it, life is also made up of millions of moments, of miliseconds of experiences that captivate our hearts and, even if only for that second in time, make it all worthwhile. Here's to the moments...